Have you seen it before? The faces chart, the one you can find some version of in hopefully every counselor office in America? The chart where the little faces help to depict and identify a typical range of human emotion. It looks something like this...
It is a great, extremely useful chart. But it is not complete. At least not with the newest feeling word we are employing around here: "Happysad." If happysad would be a face on the chart it would be a slightly smiling, contemplative face with tears. Happysad is what you sometimes feel when something wonderful comes to an end. Happysad is what you feel when you leave Disney World. Happysad is what you feel when you graduate college. Happysad is what you feel when your Hot Fudge Sundae is gone.
Happysad is what we feel when we have to say goodbye to family after a wonderful vacation.
Yeah, there is a lot of Happysad going on right now in the Hawaii Honeycutt's house tonight. Uncle D and Tashie have gone back to MN. Tomorrow when the kids wake up, the spare bedroom will be empty, a reminder that once again they have had to say good-bye. My boys are now old enough to understand that our next planned visit is a long ways off. And that they will miss them until then. The promise of Uncle Nate and Auntie Jayme coming soon helps with some of the sad, but like Hayden said, "Uncle Nate and Auntie Jayme are going to have to leave too."
When we moved here, I spent a lot of time talking about the "sad." Letting myself feel the sad, letting the kids feel the sad, okay, I'll be honest... mostly letting myself feel the sad. And that wasn't healthy. Not because it's not okay to feel sad. Rather, I was dwelling ON the sad and ignoring the blessing. Happysad was there, I just couldn't (wouldn't) see it or name it... yet.
It wasn't 'till this week, as I was emotionally preparing myself and the boys to say good-bye to my brother and Tash. In preparation, I said to Hayden and Hudson, "They are going to be leaving soon, and that is going to make momma feel sad. The kind of sad that might make me cry. But I am also going to feel happy because we had such a wonderful time and we get to keep all those memories forever." Hudson says to me, "so you are going to be happysad." And like a lightning rod it hit me... exactly, Hud. Exactly. Happysad in Hud's perspective means, you are happy for the fun and sad that it is over.
That little man is right. The truth is, I can't be really, really sad to see something end if I didn't have something really, really wonderful to begin with. That is the essence of happysad. Now, when we talk about having to say good-bye to family, we can come at it from a different perspective. Yes, of course we are sad, really sad to say good-bye.
BUT...we can be really sad because we are really blessed.
Blessed to have amazing family who loves us. Blessed to have amazing family who delights in us and we in them. Blessed to have amazing fun adventures together. Blessed to have the resources to be able to have visitors... on and on our list could go. If we didn't have so much fun together and we didn't love them so, then saying good-bye wouldn't be nearly as difficult. We wouldn't have the sad, if they didn't make us so happy.
This sounds ridiculously, painfully obvious, I realize. Yet in all honestly, it took me what? Like 33 years to finally see it. Saying good-bye can hurt and make me sad, but it doesn't have to be a tragedy for me and it certainly doesn't have to be my defining emotional experience. Not with all the blessings that abound. Happysad is a way to allow myself to feel the pain, but without losing sight of the good that I have been given. Happysad is what will help me see good-bye's to my family as more of a "see you later" or an, "until next time."
Happysad is what will help me cherish the memories of the good, because I will remember how sad I was to see it end.
A big, BIG thanks to Davie and Tashie for being our "Guinea pig" Hawaiian house guests and for playing with us all week. We love you... Even if you did leave us happysad! ;)
XOXO
We miss you already!!!
And to Uncle Nate and Auntie Jayme... HURRY UP ALREADY!!
No comments:
Post a Comment