My kindergartner came home from school today and didn't want to nap. It was an early release day and I really just wanted to eat lunch in the quiet. So, despite his desperate attempts to sway me, I made him nap... obviously. An hour later he wakes up from the forced nap mad as an ol' wet hen and twice as cranky. And I jump all over him for it. Barking harsh commands. You know, the usual: "Stop whining!" "If you are going to cry do it outside!" "You are going to wake the baby!" I may have even threw in a count for good measure... "One, two, did you hear me??? I am on two!!! Hello??? Okay, three!"
This absurdity went on for a good twenty minutes. Maybe more, maybe less. Time slows considerably when you are doing battle with a six year old who is much smarter than you, and who could really care less if he wakes the baby.
There was no big crescendo to our cease fire, but the battle ended when I finally started to listen. When I stopped hearing just angry words. I can't remember what it was, but something he said registered and finally made me stop. When I slowed to listen, the message I got was not one of disrspect towards me, but one of longing. A longing to be seen and heard. He wanted me. To sit with him. To cuddle. He had lonely day at school because he thought no one wanted to play with him. He had tears he needed to cry. He wanted his mommas shoulder to cry on.
See, when he woke up I immediately asked him to do his homework. He said he wanted to sit with me for awhile. I thought it was just a homework stall tactic, so I told him he needed to do his work first. Work first, then cuddle. Sounded good at the time. But now as I type it, the words hurt...
HE ASKED ME TO CUDDLE HIM AND I USED IT AS A BARGAINING CHIP!
Any kid, in any state of mind is GOING to take that as rejection, as love that is conditional. Some parents might disagree. Part of me now disagrees. My 'firm boundaries are best' parenting brain is fighting this saying, "well, sometimes we need to work to get what we want." And my critical brain is fighting this as well, saying, "he was manipulating you and avoiding homework. Staying firm was the best thing. You showed him that you can be firm."
And all that "rational" thinking may be well and good.
But that is NOT the mom I want to be.
I want to be the kind of mom who will drop anything, anytime, anywhere to take advantage of a snuggle... Even if that snuggle only lasts for a moment.
And I never, ever, ever want to make my kids feel like they need to somehow EARN time with me.
Because that doesn't feel like grace. And, in all honesty, I just can't fathom hearing Jesus say, "Oh, I really want to listen to that prayer of yours, just finish up that homework first though." Jesus wants me to come to Him anytime, anywhere, no matter what. I didn't model that for my oldest. I did the exact opposite of that.
I won't cherish this parenting mishap. What I will cherish is that my big school boy still NEEDS my snuggles. He still covets my time. He still sees me as his fixer. It won't always be that way. I want to take every opportunity I can to cuddle up. I am going to strive to be an On Call Snuggler: they call, I snuggle. Even if they are cranky, moody messes. Even if I am a cranky, moody mess. And in those snuggles, I am trusting that Jesus will reveal himself more to my children. That is a high calling parents, a really high calling.
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