Mothering Day

I was recently reading Anne Lammot's yearly delightful anti-Mother’s Day, but pro-Mother FaceBook re-post. Following her words I began to read the comments. One comment mentioned the British idea of "Mothering Day" in lieu of a traditional Hallmark type Mother’s Day celebration. My curiosity piqued, I Googled this thing called "Mothering Day”. 

Turns out not every thing on Social is a lie because Mothering Day is actually a sometimes observed European tradition within both Catholic and Protestant churches where Christian believers return one Sunday a year to their "Mother Church," the church in which they were baptized. Not so unlike a yearly pilgimage home. Huh. Who knew? 

Wikipedia was clear though: Mothering Day is NOT to be confused with Mother’s Day. 

Got it Wikipedia. Thanks.

Or do I?

The more I thought about it, the more the two traditions actually seemed spiritually congruent. 

Baptism in the Christian tradition symbolizes many things, cleansing of sins, rebirth, public acknowledgment of faith and the coming together of believers into one unified life. The Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 12 likens it to every believer becoming part of the body of Christ. The many coming together into the one. The Message translation is my most favorite: 

“...Your body has many parts- limbs, organs, cells- but no matter how many parts you can name, you're still one body. It's exactly the same with Christ. By means of his one Spirit, we all said good-bye to our partial and piecemeal lives. We each used to independently call our own shots, but then we entered into a large and integrated life in which he has the final say in everything. (This is what we proclaimed in word and action when we were baptized.) The old labels we once used to identify ourselves- labels like Jew or Greek, slave or free- are no longer useful. We need something larger, more conprehensive. I want you to think about how this makes you more significant, not less.”

What is a mother? A mother in the most basic sense is one who baptizes a human life into the material world. Through water and blood, hardship and groans she pushes forth a new life, a life to join the family compromising this Planet Earth. But becoming a Mother is very different than choosing to enter into Motherhood. Mothering has very little to do with the act of giving birth. Motherhood is the continual process of welcoming lives into a family. Motherhood is a decision to help integrate persons into the larger community. 

Motherhood is a welcoming committee for all of humanity. Motherhood says, "Come! Let us walk together. I will share what I know and have with you. I will nurture you with all that I have to offer. And as long as I have breath, you will belong."

A decision to mother is a willingness to help others find and establish their unique place in the world. Because the act of mothering is the very process of encouraging the belonging of every single life. Those who mother understand without question that everyone is necessary because everyone has a vital role to play. And a true mother’s heart recognizes that no one person is more important or more worthy of love than another, because mothering means you love yours without discrimination.

The operative word being “yours.” Who you define as “yours” to mother is the difference between Mother’s Day and Mothering Day. 

Mother’s Day in the US is a recognition of the mother who bore you and/or claims you as hers. This tends to take an important, yet selective view of who celebrates belonging to whom. In this sense I am mother to only four and celebrate my mother and mother in law each year. 

In comparison, Mothering Day is a remembrance of ones baptism. An opportunity to celebrate your forever family membership. A family you received the moment you decided to belong to Christ. This is a much larger circle of celebration, as our belonging to Christ signifies that we also belong to each other. In this sense Christ acts as mother and we are all, as members of the same body called to emulate Him. This is sacred ground friends. Can you feel it? “Born again” is a powerful reality. 

Wikipedia, I can see how you felt the need to remind me these two traditions aren’t the same, because they are so close. They are both so deeply rooted in the celebration of the blessing that is belonging. 

The thing I struggle most with about a traditional Mother's Day is the fact that for many people this holiday is the opposite of inclusion and belonging. Instead it is a painful reminder of longing, loss, trauma, disappointments and even despair. Along this same vein, some of the most fantastic people who have mothered me, mothered my children, or taught me how to mother are not mothers in the literal sense of the word. In fact, some of them aren't even women. So a traditional Mother’s Day seems to me to fall a little short. 

Yet as I revisit the words of Paul I am encouraged. Once we are in Christ, our old labels don't really serve us well anymore. Our most significant identity becomes larger and more comprehensive. As those who have been baptized, we now embrace our new position in the family. We get to experience a new sense of belonging which comes from calling Christ our Lord and Savior. My identity as “mother” is not my highest calling, perfect label or ideal goal. To again quote The Message translation, “I want you to think about how this makes you more significant, not less.” 

I carry many titles. Daughter, wife, sister, Momma, friend, book lover, outdoor obsessive, weaver of words, sugar addict and yogi wannabe. All of these identities pale in comparison to who I am in Christ though. My chief identity, the loftiest title I can claim is to call myself one with Christ. This is ultimate significance and belonging. Something I can’t earn, but must receive. 

(And this is especially good news for myself, a mother who consistently falls short of being the kind of mother I wish I could be for my Little’s. A mother who often spends Mother’s Day cataloging all the ways my kids probably shouldn’t be celebrating me, like those times yesterday I yelled for nothing, blamed without cause, grabbed too hard, said that thing I couldn’t take back or neglected to look at them while they talked because my phone was glued to my hands...)

With this in mind the connection between mothering and baptism could make me weep. Mothering is a faith journey. It is an often messy yet beautiful walk with a family. There is no perfect way to mother, just as there is no perfect mother. There is no one way to be a follower of Christ, no formula to follow for being a perfect Christian. We are all called to live out His love in us, and for each of us that looks so different. All members of the same body, with different parts and roles and functions- no one better or worse than another. 

But there is one thing we are all asked to do in love, we are all called to welcome with wide open arms those placed into our paths. We are all called to mother because we mother when we act as bestowers of belonging. And what an amazing thing to say to another, “I see you and oh how you are loved.  You are welcome and loved just as you are because you were created by Love, for love.” This is Mothering and this is Baptism: welcome to the family. 

The table is big and there is a seat for us all. All are welcome. 

Motherhood, real true motherhood is a beautiful picture of what baptism signifies. I cannot tell you how deeply this resonates in my bones. And I cannot express in words how this changes everything.

Especially how I think about Mother’s Day.

To all of those committed to living a life of arms wide open welcome to all who will come, in whatever capacity you have chosen, may I say- happy Day of Mothering! What a beautiful role you have chosen to embrace.

And for those of you feeling like you don’t have a spot, please know there will always be room in my family.