Meet me

Words are how I fight.  Sometimes I use them to hurt.  Sometimes I use them for good.  But I always use them for self-preservation, because they are the sword that I have been given.  Words are what I know best.  Picking up my pen is only something I can do if I am ready to face my truth.  I woke up this morning and felt ready to pick up the pen.  This is me, grabbing my sword.
I have spent the last year and a half mostly in denial that I am engaged in war.  Pretending that I am not fighting the ongoing battle of depression.  And if there is one thing I know first hand, depression has to be fought head on.  Head in the sand depression war tactic never works.  It might slow the downward spiral, but it doesn't cease it's progression.  Anyone who has been there and back again knows, if  you aren't actively fighting it, it WILL come.  Like a thief coming to kill and destroy.  Like a storm bent on utter destruction.  Regardless of the metaphor that best fits- depression has one purpose- to suck the will to live.
Depression is the slow degradation of hope.  It makes light things dark and turns friends into foes.  Depression is a warm cozy blanket that weighs ten tons.  If it slips over you, it feels safe and warm... for a bit.  Then it starts to suffocate.  Lifting that blanket off again will take muscle power, grit, focused determination and an immense dose of genuine vulnerability.  All that and a community of body builders- a team of ten ton blanket lifters.
And that help comes best when it has been invited.

Meet Me

Meet me when I want a soft blanket instead of the sun

Meet me when I want solitude as protection from love

When tears burn, but won't come

When aches suffocate in no particular place

When laughs are forced and smiles fake and happy seems like just a tease.

Meet me.

Meet me even as I welcome that dark cloud

Meet me when I want to hide in its' comfort

Meet me when I start to believe that black is better than the fight for light

When I am too tired to want to run from that storm

Too tired to fight back the funnel that only sucks down.

Meet me when Apathy holds out her hand

Meet me when Exhaustion becomes my best friend

Meet me when Sleep is all that I covet

And no one else seems to understand

 to get it

 to really know this path.

Meet me when my crumpled heap of self might want to try and stand

When my cozy blanket starts to choke.

Meet me when my frown starts to hurt

When I remember that indifference is hatred

And I glimpse again that what I really need is love.

Meet me when I feel that craving again for my true people  

 Community

 Understanding.

Meet me in the places I want to fight but don't yet know how

Meet me there

In the places You already are

Meet me there

In the places I can't see You

 feel You

 or believe You would ever want to be.

Meet me in my brokenness

Meet me in my ugly

Meet me and make me whole

Make my mess beautiful

Meet me now.

I am ready for battle.

Meet me.  Be My Strength.  

Meet me.  Be My Ever Present Help in Trouble.

Meet me.  Be My Hope.